seniors wellness – Seniors Futures

Senior in the Soil: My Joyful Life on a Hectare of Paradise

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I live on a hectare of land—my little slice of paradise and a warm escape from Canada’s icy, slippery winter wonderland.

As a senior, I’ve learned that snow and ice don’t mix well with me (or my hips). So, here I am, turning this plot of land into a lush garden that’s slowly becoming the envy of, well, mostly just me, but it’s quite the masterpiece in progress.

Flowering Jazmine Tree. Copyright:aesta1

My hectare is a delightful patchwork of flowers, fruit trees, and vegetable beds. One part blooms with vibrant colours, while the other grows the vegetables that keep me fed and feeling virtuous about my food choices. Freshness is the name of the game here. There’s nothing like biting into a sun-warmed tomato or crunching on a cucumber straight off the vine. It’s like nature whispers, “See? This is how veggies are supposed to taste!”

Beans Growing in My Garden. Copyright: aesta1

We also keep a few chickens—not just for their eggs but because they’re fantastic little composters who love munching on leftovers. They strut around like they own the place, occasionally “borrowing” a bit of fruit or a veggie. I think they’re plotting to overthrow me, but I let it slide.

Of course, this garden doesn’t run itself. Enter my dream team: Romeo and Sam, the hardworking gardeners who keep everything thriving, and Jazmin, our innovation guru. She’s like the garden’s mad scientist, whipping up organic sprays and fertilizers that keep pests away without making the plants feel too “chemically.”

The Priceless Joy of Gardening

Let me be clear: this garden is not a money-making venture. It’s the opposite. I pour in more money than I get back. But can you put a price on the joy of plucking fresh vegetables for breakfast or wandering among fruit trees with a steaming cup of coffee in hand? For me, this is living.

Every morning, I gear up like I’m heading into battle: gloves on, basket in hand, cutter ready, and coffee firmly in my grasp. I stroll through my garden, saying hello to the plants, inspecting the squash flowers (are you male or female today?), and ensuring everything grows as it should. I’ve even started building more raised beds for better yields and experimenting with planting in pots. Why? Because I can and love seeing my neighbours scratch their heads and ask, “What’s she up to now?”

A Garden That Connects

Last year, I started this journey but had to leave halfway when I returned to Canada. It’s hard to garden long-distance, even with modern technology. You can get photos and videos, but nothing beats being here. There’s magic in touching the soil, smelling the herbs, and hearing the chickens cluck disapprovingly at your every move.

My hectare is more than just a garden. It’s my playground, sanctuary, and reminder that life can still be full of new beginnings, even as I grow older. The joy it brings me—watching tiny seeds grow into plants, feeding both body and soul—is priceless.

So here I am, cultivating not just fruits and vegetables but also happiness and a sense of purpose. Every day is a new adventure, whether figuring out how to outsmart a mischievous chicken or discovering a hidden zucchini the size of a baseball bat. Life on my hectare? It’s more rewarding (and hilarious) than I ever imagined.

As Seniors Celebrate Abundance and Leave Regrets Behind

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Seniors, there’s so much to celebrate at our age. Many of you have wonderful children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. It’s a joy. as we watch them grow and build their own lives. At this point in our lives, this is our focus.

Many of us look back, and instead of celebrating what we have become and have given life, we keep regrets in our hearts. Regret is a life-killer.
Regret is a feeling of sadness or disappointment about something that has happened or that we have done in the past. The more humiliating it is, the more we keep it, hoping that no one among our friends and acquaintances knows about it. Because we keep it, even when we don’t think about it, it is a burden to us whether we are aware of it. Sometimes, we bury it deep down and lose awareness of it.

Then, at one point, a trigger comes, and whoa, we react strongly. We even surprise ourselves at the forceful reaction we have. The trigger can be something someone said, an ordinary comment that everyone else did not notice, but we reacted. Why? Because deep down, we still keep our regrets alive. So, what do we do to let go of this burden?

To overcome regret, it’s important to acknowledge it and learn from it. Here are some things we can do. I’m sure you have your answers to this, having lived so many years. Feel free to add it in the Comment Section. We can all profit from your own experience.

By practicing these strategies, you can gradually overcome regret and move forward with a positive mindset. Remember that it’s okay to seek support from friends, family, or a professional if you’re struggling with feelings of regret. Your Senior years are for you to enjoy.

Acceptance: Accept that you cannot change the past and that feeling regretful will not alter what has already happened. I see it as part of my growth, which has helped me grow, so I am thankful for the experience and let it go. Even if I can’t let it go, it is no longer a burden as I look at it differently.
Learn from mistakes: Use regret as a learning opportunity. Reflect on what happened, identify what you could have done differently, and use that knowledge to make better decisions in the future. We all make mistakes.
Practice self-compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize that everyone makes mistakes. Treat yourself with the same empathy and understanding you would offer a friend.
Focus on the present, on the NOW. Shift your attention to the present moment and the positive aspects of your life. Mindfulness and gratitude can help you appreciate what you have now. When you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep, thank the Source for everything that will come to you on that day and for everything sent your way by the end of the day.
Set new goals: Channel your energy into setting new goals and working towards them. This can help you create a sense of purpose and direction. It enables you to look forward.

Innovative Solutions for Seniors

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Whether we like to or not, there will come a time when we will need assistive devices. These devices enable us to do things we have a hard time doing without any of these.

Innovative Solutions for Seniors. Source: aesta1

Recently, we had a get-together with my friends since grade school. A classmate came from the United States and treated us to lunch. We had so much fun, but we noticed all the assistive devices our friend needed to have to be able to do this gathering. She had a walker, a cane, and a seat that doubles as a wheelchair.

Some Seniors do not want to use these devices as they worry about what people say if they go around in a wheelchair. They trade safety for their pride. Our friend had no problem using these devices, but we saw her difficulty. She needed people to assist her, too. Please live in a caring country where family takes care of you and makes it easy for you to go around, but it becomes more challenging if you live on your own. Still, having these devices makes life tolerable and safe.

I remember when my husband first used a walker and a wheelchair. The walker enabled him to go to the bathroom and shower independently, which he liked. We had to practice using the wheelchair so he could go around and go for appointments.

We all know as seniors that the time will come when a cane is in hand. Some of us can get by with an umbrella, but it is less safe than a cane.

Here are some examples of assistive devices that can help seniors maintain their independence:

Walkers:

Walkers provide support and stability for seniors who have difficulty walking. Seniors can use these indoors or outdoors, and come in a variety of styles and sizes. Choose one you can use indoors to go to the shower or bathroom or around your house.

Canes:

Canes provide support and balance for seniors who have difficulty walking. They are typically used indoors and come in various styles and materials. Many of my Senior friends use canes outdoors. It is easy to carry. Sometimes, they use an umbrella, but a cane has better stability.

Wheelchairs:

If you are a Senior and cannot walk, use a wheelchair. Wheelchairs come in various types, including manual wheelchairs, power wheelchairs, and scooters.

I don’t know why some Seniors refuse to use a wheelchair. My mother did not want to use so we can’t bring her out. She refused to be seen in a wheelchair by her friends. We assured her her friends would be happy to see her and won’t mind the wheelchair.

Mobility scooters:

Mobility scooters are motorized vehicles, so Seniors can go wherever they want. They can get groceries, go to appointments, and enjoy driving. They are typically used outdoors and come in various sizes and styles.

Bathroom safety equipment:

Bathroom safety equipment can help seniors prevent falls in the bathroom. This equipment includes grab bars, shower chairs, and raised toilet seats. It’s good to see many disabled Seniors go around in it.

Home medical equipment:

Home medical equipment can help seniors manage their chronic conditions. This equipment includes blood pressure monitors, glucose meters, and oxygen tanks. I remember having an oxygen tank at home when my mother was not well.

Communication devices:

Communication devices can help seniors who have difficulty speaking or hearing. These devices include amplified phones, captioning devices, and speech recognition software. Seniors living on their own can benefit from these devices.

Personal emergency response systems:

Personal emergency response systems (PERS) can help seniors call for help in an emergency. These systems typically include a base unit connected to a landline phone and a wearable pendant or wristband that the senior can wear. If the old presses the button on the pendant or wristband, the base unit will call a monitoring center, which will then dispatch help.

Of course, you can pay for help 24/7 or stay in an assisted living place. However, if you want to stay home, which many Seniors prefer, and live a close to everyday life, these devices will help you. Our wish is that you won’t need any of these. But if you do, use it well.

Seniors and Social Isolation: Understanding the Causes and Mitigating the Risks

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Recently, I went to help out a friend who had a double mastectomy. I had to fly out of Canada to the U.S. I realized that getting help from people around us at our age is difficult. Most of our friends also have health issues, If not them, their spouses. A number no longer drives.

At her age of 77, it is difficult to find friends and family who could be with her as most are no longer able, even if they want to help. I saw how much social isolation is a startling reality among many Seniors.

Social Isolation in Seniors. Copyright: aesta1

I also clearly saw why social isolation is a serious concern among seniors. I saw in my friends’ circle the reasons why they live an isolated existence:

Lack of Mobility. A number no longer drives and can’t move around quickly.
Losing a spouse, family, and friends can lead to isolation. Much of the news we get every morning is about someone in our circle passing on or having health problems.
Retirement. When we retire, we lose not only our contacts but also our sense of purpose and identity. I asked a friend why she continues working when there’s no need for it. She replied that work gives her a reason to get up and dress up. Otherwise, many retirees stay in their pyjamas most of the day.
Health problems. Some of us may have mini-strokes, cancer, or other illnesses and, thus, avoid many social interactions.
Lack of access to transportation. As we age, our confidence diminishes, so we hesitate to drive. Some of us got used to having our spouses drive us, and when they pass on or become unable to do so, we find it difficult to attend social events.
Negativism. In several cultures, families are protective of seniors. They are discouraged from going out on their own. They need a companion each time they go out, which limits their attendance to social activities or even just visiting their friends or doing things they enjoy.

Negative consequences often follow as more isolation occurs in a Senior’s life. These include:

Depression and Anxiety. In the absence of social interaction, Seniors tend to focus on themselves, and issues around health make them feel sad and concerned. Social activities tend to help them forget whatever discomfort they feel.
Loneliness. Seniors who live alone often feel lonely. There are only enough soap operas to keep them entertained.
Cognitive Decline. The lack of interaction limits the use of our mental faculties. Our forgetfulness becomes more intense, and our capacity to do things erodes. Some of my friends have driving issues and need more reminders of familiar routes. Even playing games is less helpful. Interacting with friends engages and stimulates our mental faculties.
Increased risks of health problems. Being alone and lonely leads to heart issues and mental breakdown.

We must take this issue of social isolation among seniors seriously. There are things we can do to address this issue of social interaction:

Sharing Accommodation. In some societies, Seniors live with their families. Our friends discussed it with their kids and divided the year between two families. In many Asian cultures, unmarried or widowed aunts and uncles live with families. Their presence is a big help in the kids’ development process. They often help cook or be present when the kids come home from school.
Providing transportation. Friends and family can do this to enable Seniors in their families to attend social events.
Becoming part of a group. Seniors can join a club, take a class in a community or senior center near them, or volunteer for important causes.
Introducing them to active Seniors defying age-old prejudices so they have models of what is possible.
Living in age-friendly communities. If not, create one. You can do much to engage your neighbourhood in becoming friendly and supportive of Seniors.
Hiring caregivers who can be with them and provide them with the company and support necessary. Someone who can drive and have a license is a big help.

With a bit of concern, this problem need not be serious. Individuals and communities can help make Seniors in our neighbourhood less socially isolated and more engaged. It is a concern that we can all address.

Three Key Things to Do in Your Senior Years

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Fulfillment in Senior Years. Copyright: aesta1

Now that I am way back into my senior year, I have had a taste of what to do. Some things I did were fantastic, and some were failures. Some were memorable, and some I just erased from my memory. So much garbage, I have to tell you. But if we don’t try, we’ll end up sitting or lying on our couches and being entertained by K-dramas or other soap operas.

After hours of this, I often ask myself, what have I done?

So, today, my mind wandered into some things seniors like me can do, and my thoughts, assisted by online research and whine from my other senior friends, came up with these.

Some may think these all require resources you may not have. You’re in for a surprise at how much of these you can enjoy for less money or free once you put your mind to it. I almost forgot where I was. Here they are:

Take care of your body.

Exercise, eat healthily, hydrate, and see your doctor regularly. The dollar signs are showing in your mind $for Pilates Courses, Yoga, Acupuncture, Massage, or Chiropractors. Yes, these cost money, but some can be paid for by your insurance, especially if you have your doctor’s referral. Many of these exercises will not cost you money.

For a week, I had been looking at a card from a chiropractor who promised that he could change your posture as it affects your health. I planned to give the clinic a visit. But as I lay on my couch browsing what I could watch, I considered what YouTube could offer. I was surprised at how many chiropractors provide tips on how to work on your posture. I focused only on those I could do in my lazy state of no exercise. I did the exercise not regularly but only on times when I remembered and wherever I could do it. After about two weeks of doing these, I was surprised at my change, so I was encouraged to do it more and look for other exercises I could do.

It is not simply the exercises but also the food we ingest. Shall we talk about these? Once, I baked a cake, and since I was alone, I ate it all. And I’m not even an expert baker. Sweets, baked goods, and so many favourites tempt us as we’re at home, and the fridge and the pantry are only steps away. Now, I buy fresh and dried berries and place bowls in front of my couch, so I often reach out for them and forget to search for other snacks.

Hydrate. Often, we need to remember to drink water. A whole morning can pass without me drinking water. Of course, dehydration leads to other problems like dry skin leading to eczema, or even more severe than this. To remember, I place two glasses of water in front of my couch, and once I finish one glass, I replenish it, so each time I look at these glasses, I drink.

Sometimes, I laugh when I think of doctors’ and dentists’ visits as the starred activities in my calendar. Such appointments competed with meetings and conferences in the past. Now, they are the highlights of our week. Well, go for it.

Improve your mental health.

Losing our memory is often a concern at this stage, but that is only the tip of the iceberg. When I talk with my friends, loneliness comes up. Several seniors complain they need someone to talk to, as many live independently. I have Alexa to harass, and each time I tell her something to do, I have a smile on my face.

You have to be more creative in finding ways to socialize. We are lucky now that we are connected. You can talk to friends and other family members online if those close to you cannot see you. Pursue a hobby and join clubs around this. Read books and enjoy the ups and downs of the characters. You can learn from them how to handle life’s challenges.

Make sure you get enough sleep. Try to spend time with nature and with funny people. Watch comedians you like and laugh. There’s nothing like laughter to make your day.

Treat yourself to something you love. You have overworked yourself in the past. Now is the time to be kind to yourself. Go and have an affogato. Watch your favourite actor or actress. Buy yourself something nice. Go to a spa.

Feed your Spirit

Expand your consciousness each day. Travel and explore new places. Meet new people. Engage in new activities. Try new food. Let its flavours wake up your taste. Go beyond what you’ve always done. Try meditation. Join classes and get transported to a world beyond your senses.

Over and beyond these, be yourself. Do what feels good to you, what brings you joy and fulfillment. You are unique. Don’t be a copycat. Appreciate what your friends do and what is happening to them, but know you. Only You knows what will be good for You. Your Senior Years are your biggest bonus. You can do whatever you want now—no boss to break you in, no child to care for, and no more fears about looks. So, go and make your senior years your best.

Silver Laughter: The Transformative Power of Humour in Seniors

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When my 70-plus-year-old friends and I go on long trips, we always ask our funny friends to sit by us. You know why. We overlook the time when we keep laughing.

Humour brings joy, alleviates stress, and enhances our social connections. I only wish I have this sense of humour. Sadly, when the Angel of God distributed this gift, I was not around. Still, I am here to share how humour can benefit Seniors.

Here are a few:

Laughter boosts mood.
Humour and laughter release endorphins, which are natural feel-good chemicals. Seniors who engage in humour and laughter experience an improved mood and increased happiness.
Stress relief.
Aging can come with challenges, but humour can be a stress reliever. Finding humour in everyday situations helps seniors cope with stress, lighten their outlook, and maintain a positive mindset.
Social connection.
Sharing laughter and humour strengthens social bonds and fosters connections with others. Simply sharing funny stories with friends can create a sense of camaraderie and alleviate feelings of loneliness or isolation.
Mental health.
Humour stimulates the brain and promotes mental agility. It improves cognitive functioning, memory, and creativity. Activities like solving puzzles, playing games, or watching comedy shows can be mentally stimulating and entertaining.
Perspective and resilience.
Humour helps seniors maintain a sense of perspective and resilience when facing challenges. It allows us to find the lighter side of life and approach difficulties with a positive attitude.

It is, however, essential to note that humour should always be respectful and sensitive to individual preferences. What may be funny to one person might not be to another. When using humour with seniors, it’s essential to consider their cultural background, values, and personal circumstances. Otherwise, it can break relationships.

How Do We Integrate Mindfulness into Our Lives?

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In the previous post on mindfulness, I focused on mindfulness and its benefits for us, Seniors. This post will outline mindfulness techniques we can easily incorporate into our daily lives to cultivate a greater sense of present-moment awareness and well-being. I included here the ones that I have tried to practice:

1. Mindful Breathing

Paying attention to your breath is a fundamental mindfulness practice. You can do this easily while doing your everyday chores. All you have to do is to find a comfortable position, close your eyes, and bring your attention to the sensation of your breath as it enters and leaves your body. Become aware of the rise and fall of your abdomen or the feeling of air passing through your nostrils. Whenever your mind wanders, gently bring your attention back to your breath.

2. Body Scan

This technique involves systematically bringing awareness to different parts of your body. Starting from your toes and moving upward, gently scan your body, noticing any sensations or areas of tension. As you do this, keep a non-judgmental awareness of each part of your body. Allow any feeling to be present and be present to it. Do not try to change any of them.

3. Mindful Observation

Choose an object or element from your surroundings, such as a flower, a piece of art, or a scene in Nature. Direct your attention to that object and observe it as if you’re seeing it for the first time. Notice its colours, shapes, textures, and any other details. Engage all your senses and fully immerse yourself in observing that object.

4. Walking Meditation

Walking meditation is a way to practice mindfulness while moving. Choose a quiet space and amble, paying attention to each step and the sensations in your feet as they make contact with the ground. Feel the energy from the ground under your feet.

Notice the movements of your body and the environment around you. If your mind wanders, gently guide your attention back to the sensations of walking.

5. Loving-Kindness Meditation

This practice involves cultivating love, compassion, and kindness towards oneself and others. Start by sitting comfortably and bring to mind someone for whom you have warm feelings. Repeat phrases such as “May you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe” while genuinely extending those well-wishes to that person. Gradually expand your circle of well-wishing to include yourself, loved ones, neutral individuals, and even difficult people. I often light a candle for the person I want to send love to.

6. Mindful Eating

While eating, take a moment to slow down and fully engage your senses. Notice the colours, smells, and textures of your food. Chew slowly and savour each bite, paying attention to the flavours and sensations. Be present with the entire eating experience, from the moment you pick up your food to the moment you finish.

Remember that mindfulness is a practice, and it’s normal for your mind to wander during these exercises. The key is gently bringing your attention back to the moment without judgment. As you integrate these techniques into your daily life, you’ll gradually develop a greater sense of mindfulness and present-moment awareness.

Revisiting Your Roots

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I used to visit my home province, but only sometimes and only for short periods. Thus, I couldn’t explore the changes since I was a child growing up in this place.

Revisiting Your Roots. Copyright: aesta1

This time, I decided to stay on for four months, and after a month, yes, it took me a month to settle down and fully appreciate the experience of being a local again, not just a foreigner visiting another place.

Even inserting back into my family again, knowing the new members and seeing the growth in each one is a bit baffling. Sometimes, it is hard to comprehend how some people can change so much, but they do. The dynamics have changed, too. It is interesting to watch and find out what role I can play, especially in celebrations they have done without me for many years.

It used to be that I was only visiting, and everyone tried to accommodate me, knowing that I would be gone in a week or two. These days, it is different. I am putting down roots again, which shows continuity. I am reestablishing relationships to which I have not given any attention for years, knowing my former friends and relating with them again. I have changed, and they, too, have changed. It is interesting how this plays out.

Some have detached themselves from the group, but many try to be part of the interaction. We visit each other and organize activities to bond once more and refresh our memories of things we used to enjoy. Some have passed, and we hold masses for them lest we forget. It is sad because, at our age, we face our passing daily.

We had our Christmas party this year, and I hosted it, but each one brought food. It started at nine and ended at 5. I thought at first, what are we going to do? Time was even lacking for other things we wanted to do. It’s as if we were in high school once more.

Those who had not attended other previous celebrations enjoyed themselves so much that they promised, from now on, to be in all of the gatherings. They had so much fun that they wanted to experience it again. We forgot ourselves, and we were children in the playground of the past, playing, shoving, dancing, singing, showing our talent, and taunting each other. We were together our whole childhood but lost touch after high school graduation.

The years of building a career and raising families have left our relationships without attention. Only when the kids had grown did we find time to connect again. This connection strengthened when we saw each other at our golden jubilee, 50 years after graduation from high school. Many of us had not seen each other or talked to many.

Strengthening these connections gave us so much joy that we tried to gather whenever there were occasions to celebrate or gather. We always find reasons, of course, especially when some who now live in other countries come home. These were occasions to connect, celebrate, and share whatever we had, even around snacks in the afternoon.

Gathering of friends. Copyright: aesta1

These occasions always lead to reminiscing about our childhood days, what we remembered and what news we received about our classmates and friends. We often learn about the families in our town since childhood. Some information brings joy, some pain, and others, sorrow, but whatever they are, they are always welcome. If the persons are around, they will get congratulated, praised, reprimanded, or sternly talked to, depending on what is shared.

Because we grew up and knew each other’s families, we feel free to react to the sharing as in a family circle. We could be brutal among friends who have grown up together because we are secure in our care for each other. It is such a comfort to be with people one could be one’s self.

Our roots are solid. We belong to the same town knowing the same families. We knew each other’s families and shared our joys, frustrations, and pains. Going back to one’s roots is a very comforting experience. If you still need to do this, start now.

Lessons My Garden Taught Me

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Patola with Fruits. Copyright: aesta1

Little did I know that starting this garden would yield not only produce but lessons that I keep learning every day.

I started this garden because I love to putter around a garden early morning with my cup of coffee in one hand and a song in my heart, looking at every plant’s daily changes.

As the garden progressed, things kept changing. The changes are not only in the plant’s growth but also in people directly or indirectly involved in the garden.

I was the only one interested in having this garden. I had no idea I started something several in the family love to be involved in. So, this is the first lesson I learned. At that time, my husband and I were still working and could not take substantial time to be in the garden. Other family members took the lead, and I gave up designing and landscaping my garden.

The first time this happened, I resented it. However, I was realistic enough to know that time was not with me. Other people have the interest, the workforce, and the time.

Because of this, the garden expanded and grew beautifully. Different people used it for their interests, so the garden became a series of beautiful memories. At one time, sunflowers filled it, becoming the setting of celebrations and photo opportunities.

These days, plots of different kinds of vegetables grace it, yielding produce for our consumption and the market. The garden is now earning little to defray its maintenance and development expenses.

Black Beans and Corn. Copyright: aesta1

One of the lessons I have learned is that a garden requires time and presence. In the Tropics, where plants grow or die fast when not watered, you must keep your watch or lose some expensive plants. Until the plants take root, you must give them care.

When the plants start producing, your job is not over. They come in abundance that you can hardly harvest them at their peak. There’s a time when they’re just suitable for cooking. Not too ripe or mature and not too young. The gardeners also told me that with some plants, you couldn’t leave the fruits to mature on the vines as that would stop them from growing new shoots. When the plants are healthy, the produce is so abundant that you can’t eat them all, so you need to share or sell them. I was appalled one day when I spent hours harvesting string beans, and all the vendors paid for it when I sent it to the market was a little less than $2. So two hours or probably more of my day was only worth that much? I was discouraged, but the benefits of eating fresh produce gave me hope and a new resolve.

Squash and Okra. Copyright: aesta1

There is satisfaction in having your garden. Every morning, I watch for new blooms, shoots, or fruits. In the tropics, it is fast to grow native varieties.

Aside from eating fresh produce, I get to help others. One of these vendors comes regularly, and she picks the vegetables she would cook and sell for the workers at the irrigation close to us. She has eight kids and a husband who cannot support the family. But this lady wanted all her kids to go to school and earn degrees later. So, she does whatever she can to achieve her dream. She picks up what she wants and gives our gardener a fair price when she comes. Sometimes, she has only so much money, and she would tell us she’ll share more next time.

Do I bother? No, I am happy that this person works hard to improve her life and that of her children.

So, we keep investing in the garden, giving us produce and joy. We couldn’t be happier.

Lessons I’ve Learned From the Loss of A Loved One

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Well, what says you? I have been retired for some years now and so are my friends. Not only that, many in my circle have now passed on—a staggering reality for many Seniors.

My husband passed away three years ago, and only today, another in our high school class more than 50 years ago also died.

Death is so much a part of life. More so in our senior years. The earlier we accept this reality, the better will be our appreciation when it takes place in our lives.

We all dread it, I understand. But, at one time or another, someone who is so much a part of our life passes on. The pain and the loss are something you don’t want to wish on, even your worst enemy.

How do you go through this? How do you manage? When, even amid fun, the memory of the loved one who passed on occupies your thoughts? How do you forget?

How do you hold the tears that, at any moment, pour out? How can you enjoy anything when your thoughts often return to not being there?

Loss can be debilitating. It can ground you in misery, fear, and loneliness. Even with supportive family and friends, it is not like having your loved one there.

Here are some lessons I’ve learned:

I realized how valuable companionship is, to have someone to laugh with, express your fears, foresee your reaction and smile at it understandably, hold your hand when the movie scares you, or discuss the often perplexing events in today’s world.
I have to learn to do many things on my own. Eating out alone in a restaurant gives me a bit of discomfort. Or going to a movie or a show on my own. There’s no one to whisper some comments to or share your delight over a dish or a performance.
I don’t enjoy long drives alone. When my husband was around, our long drives were moments of getting to know things in our past, childhood, or thoughts about many things. The sharing somehow becomes more intimate and genuine. Listening to the radio now doesn’t cut it.
I don’t enjoy socializing on my own. It’s like half is missing. My husband was very gregarious and never wanting for words and stories. I, on the other hand, would prefer only to listen. Now, I have to talk more. Maybe, this is not so bad after all.
It’s always fun to have someone around you to harass, laugh with, cry on, love, and be loved. No matter how much you search for a replacement, it is not the same. Mourn your loss. It is important to do this. However, you have to move on and look for ways to live life after your loss. It is not the end. It is the beginning of something different, fascinating and satisfying when you allow yourself to experience it.

A friend told me that those who died are still with us, and I like this. I talk to my husband all the time. When driving, I ask him to help me navigate the traffic, make it easy to merge on the highway, and don’t forget to close the gas cover or leave my credit card or wallet on the pump.

I see friends in other countries. At least I have company in seeing places and enjoying restaurants in those cities. I see friends where I live.

I have learned to be close to family, travel with them once in a while, visit them, and hang out with them. As was the case before, I have come to appreciate them more as I relate with them directly and not through my husband.

I have worked on my fears and my tendency to depend on someone. I learn to do things like driving long distances, fixing things, taking care of things on my own, and dealing with loneliness.

Each one of us deals with loss in a different way.

But I have many friends who have lived alone because they have not married, divorced, or widowed. I’ve learned how to take things in stride from them and not let matters overwhelm me. They kept telling me that they’d done it for many years. Why am I complaining? Somehow, this pushes me to do the things I dread doing.

After three years, I feel I’m getting into the rhythm of living alone. As much as the first day it happened, I am still my husband, but I can cope with life alone.

I found how valuable a good relationship with our families and friends is. It’s strong support as I deal with my loss. I don’t think I would have managed if not for these relationships.

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